It is human to have a long childhood;
it is civilized to have an even longer childhood. Long childhood makes
a technical and mental virtuoso out of man, but it also leaves a life-long
residue of emotional immaturity in him.
— Erik Homburger Erikson (1902-1994)
Our personality traits come in opposites. We think of
ourselves as optimistic or pessimistic, independent or dependent, emotional or
unemotional, adventurous or cautious, leader or follower, aggressive or
passive. Many of these are inborn temperament traits, but other
characteristics, such as feeling either competent or inferior, appear to be
learned, based on the challenges and support we receive in growing up.
As you read through the following eight stages of Erik
Erikson's categories with their sets of opposites, notice which strengths you
identify with most and those you need to work on some more.
Infancy: Birth to 18 Months
Ego Development Outcome: Trust vs. Mistrust
Basic strength: Drive and Hope
Erikson also referred to infancy as the Oral Sensory
Stage (as anyone might who watches a baby put everything in her mouth) where
the major emphasis is on the mother's positive and loving care for the child,
with a big emphasis on visual contact and touch. If we pass successfully
through this period of life, we will learn to trust that life is basically okay
and have basic confidence in the future. If we fail to experience trust and are
constantly frustrated because our needs are not met, we may end up with a
deep-seated feeling of worthlessness and a mistrust of the world in general.
Incidentally, many studies of suicides and suicide
attempts point to the importance of the early years in developing the basic
belief that the world is trustworthy and that every individual has a right to
be here.
Not surprisingly, the most significant relationship is
with the maternal parent, or whoever is our most significant and constant
caregiver.
2. Early Childhood: 18 Months to 3
Years
Ego Development
Outcome: Autonomy vs. Shame
Basic Strengths: Self-control,
Courage, and Will
During this stage we learn to master skills for
ourselves. Not only do we learn to walk, talk and feed ourselves, we are
learning finer motor development as well as the much appreciated toilet
training. Here we have the opportunity to build self-esteem and autonomy as we
gain more control over our bodies and acquire new skills, learning right from
wrong. And one of our skills during the "Terrible Two's" is our
ability to use the powerful word "NO!" It may be pain for parents,
but it develops important skills of the will.
It is also during this stage, however, that we can be
very vulnerable. If we're shamed in the process of toilet training or in
learning other important skills, we may feel great shame and doubt of our
capabilities and suffer low self-esteem as a result.
The most significant relationships are with parents.
3. Play Age: 3 to 5 Years
Ego Development Outcome: Initiative vs. Guilt
Basic Strength: Purpose
During this period we experience a desire to copy the
adults around us and take initiative in creating play situations. We make up
stories with Barbie's and Ken's, toy phones and miniature cars, playing out
roles in a trial universe, experimenting with the blueprint for what we believe
it means to be an adult. We also begin to use that wonderful word for exploring
the world — "WHY?"
While Erikson was influenced by Freud, he downplays
biological sexuality in favor of the psychosocial features of conflict between
child and parents. Nevertheless, he said that at this stage we usually become
involved in the classic "Oedipal struggle" and resolve this struggle
through "social role identification." If we're frustrated over
natural desires and goals, we may easily experience guilt.
The most significant relationship is with the basic
family.
4. School Age: 6 to 12 Years
Ego Development Outcome: Industry vs. Inferiority
Basic Strengths: Method and
Competence
During this stage, often called the Latency, we are
capable of learning, creating and accomplishing numerous new skills and
knowledge, thus developing a sense of industry. This is also a very social
stage of development and if we experience unresolved feelings of inadequacy and
inferiority among our peers, we can have serious problems in terms of
competence and self-esteem.
As the world expands a bit, our most significant
relationship is with the school and neighborhood. Parents are no longer the
complete authorities they once were, although they are still important.
5. Adolescence: 12 to 18 Years
Ego Development Outcome: Identity vs. Role Confusion
Basic Strengths: Devotion and
Fidelity
Up to this stage, according to Erikson, development
mostly depends upon what is done to us. From here on out, development depends
primarily upon what we do. And while adolescence is a stage at which we are
neither a child nor an adult, life is definitely getting more complex as we
attempt to find our own identity, struggle with social interactions, and
grapple with moral issues.
Our task is to discover who we are as individuals
separate from our family of origin and as members of a wider society.
Unfortunately for those around us, in this process many of us go into a period
of withdrawing from responsibilities, which Erikson called a
"moratorium." And if we are unsuccessful in navigating this stage, we
will experience role confusion and upheaval.
A significant task for us is to establish a philosophy of
life and in this process we tend to think in terms of ideals, which are
conflict free, rather than reality, which is not. The problem is that we don't
have much experience and find it easy to substitute ideals for experience.
However, we can also develop strong devotion to friends and causes.
It is no surprise that our most significant relationships
are with peer groups.
6. Young Adulthood: 18 to 35
Ego Development Outcome: Intimacy and Solidarity vs. Isolation
Basic Strengths: Affiliation and
Love
In the initial stage of being an adult we seek one or
more companions and love. As we try to find mutually satisfying relationships,
primarily through marriage and friends, we generally also begin to start a
family, though this age has been pushed back for many couples who today don't
start their families until their late thirties. If negotiating this stage is
successful, we can experience intimacy on a deep level.
If we're not successful, isolation and distance from
others may occur. And when we don't find it easy to create satisfying
relationships, our world can begin to shrink as, in defense, we can feel
superior to others.
Our significant relationships are with marital partners
and friends.
7. Middle Adulthood: 35 to 55 or 65
Ego Development Outcome: Generativity vs. Self absorption or
Stagnation
Basic Strengths: Production and Care
Now work is most crucial. Erikson observed that
middle-age is when we tend to be occupied with creative and meaningful work and
with issues surrounding our family. Also, middle adulthood is when we can
expect to "be in charge," the role we've longer envied.
The significant task is to perpetuate culture and
transmit values of the culture through the family (taming the kids) and working
to establish a stable environment. Strength comes through care of others and
production of something that contributes to the betterment of society, which
Erikson calls generativity, so when we're in this stage we often fear
inactivity and meaninglessness.
As our children leave home, or our relationships or goals
change, we may be faced with major life changes — the mid-life crisis — and
struggle with finding new meanings and purposes. If we don't get through this
stage successfully, we can become self-absorbed and stagnate.
Significant relationships are within the workplace, the
community and the family.
8. Late Adulthood: 55 or 65 to Death
Ego Development Outcome: Integrity vs. Despair
Basic Strengths: Wisdom
Erikson felt that much of life is preparing for the
middle adulthood stage and the last stage is recovering from it. Perhaps that
is because as older adults we can often look back on our lives with happiness
and are content, feeling fulfilled with a deep sense that life has meaning and
we've made a contribution to life, a feeling Erikson calls integrity. Our
strength comes from a wisdom that the world is very large and we now have a
detached concern for the whole of life, accepting death as the completion of
life.
On the other hand, some adults may reach this stage and
despair at their experiences and perceived failures. They may fear death as
they struggle to find a purpose to their lives, wondering "Was the trip
worth it?" Alternatively, they may feel they have all the answers (not
unlike going back to adolescence) and end with a strong dogmatism that only
their view has been correct.